chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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