sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
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3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
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I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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