nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
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That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
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Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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