he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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