I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
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i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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