I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
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Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
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I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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