I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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