why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
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she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
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I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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