i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
tonight lets celebrate not being married
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
