Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
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It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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