Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
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I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
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I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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