My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
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I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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