tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize