DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
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All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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