In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
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i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
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I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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