I'm lost and stupid without you.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
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security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
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He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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