drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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