My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
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there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
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i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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