i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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