Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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