oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize