u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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