I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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