I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
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We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
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I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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