I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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