Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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