i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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