There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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