He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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