youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize