My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize