I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize