nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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