He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She bit a glass in half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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