So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize