it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize