I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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