Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
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I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
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yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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