I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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