I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
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Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
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I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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