Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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