I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
two words...techno handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize