My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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