I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
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he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
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There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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