everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So many bounce houses so little time
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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