Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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