I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
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so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
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Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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