how do flat chested girls get laid?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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