I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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