Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize