Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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